I was born in East Belfast, Templemore Street, but soon moved to Highfield at the top of the Shankill. I lived there for ten years but because of the troubles all around us we moved to Dundonald, as our parents didn't want us growing up in the troubles.

In Dundonald I got big into my football and after playing for the school team signed for Linfield F.C. at the age of sixteen. I did well at Linfield - I won trophies for the swifts and got away with trips in Europe with them. I also had a trial with Sheffield United around this time. Around this time I started to drink and do the things boys get up to - girls, discos, loyalist bands, going to matches. Anyway, I wasn't settled at Linfield any more and wanted a transfer to Glentoran F.C. While waiting for this I played for local East Belfast team that my cousin ran. The boys I met in this team were involved in the troubles and it wasn't long before I was also "doing my bit for Ulster."

This was the start of a downhill plunge for me. After a couple of years of heavy involvement in the troubles I spent two and a half years in the Crumlin Road prison on remand, and in 1985 was sentenced to life in prison in the Maze. I was on the loyalist wings so after 8 or 9 years of easy time, drugs came into the prison and I eventually got into the drugs scene. Drugs were a world that didn't suit my personality, I started to lose touch with reality, and my mental state went downhill fast. I started to look at things in my past and couldn't cope with it, and I believe the Lord spoke into my ear at this stage to repent. In my mixed-up state, I convinced myself that I was so bad I had lost my chance of ever being saved and was on my way to hell. I decided to attempt to take my life, and so was then taken to Maghaberry Prison hospital ward where I spent the next two years lost in my mind and thinking I was only getting what I deserved because of my past. There were a lot of people praying for me around this time, and I eventually came back onto the prison wings. I was released from prison two years after this. I had spent fourteen years in prison.

I was still mentally withdrawn on release but slowly got back into life. I was blessed with a lovely wife Alison. She had two beautiful kids, Daniel and Rebecca. We then had three kids of our own: Lucy, Tom and Luke.

I went self-employed and we had our own shop and everything was going well. I'm sure that at this stage people were thinking I had the lot: wife, shop, big house, parties with all the right people. But deep inside I knew I was lost and no Matter what fell into my hands it meant nothing because the Lord wasn't involved.

My wife had been saved by this time and my kids were attending the Elim Church. I started looking at myself again, and my whole life was shown to me, from when I was a baby right up to present time, and it was sickening to look at. Again I thought of ending it, and my mind was convincing me it was the only way out. I was getting worse every day, and my body was slowly giving up the will to live; my mind was telling me "you're rubbish, your family hate you and the Lord doesn't want you because you didn't repent. My family and pastor tried to tell me otherwise. My wife, who had been praying for me, got up on Monday 11^th February and said we are going for a walk along Bangor seafront. On the walk as we talked I just broke down and cried out to the Lord. My wife got me into the car and back to the house where my family where waiting. I arrived in the house still crying and still thinking I was lost. I asked my wife, "Do you love me?" and she screamed "Yes." At this stage I felt something coming from the top of my head right down to my feet and my sister-in-law described it as if I went from sheer desperation to complete elation. I was running around grabbing my wife, mum, kids, family and telling them I loved them, and the feeling was unbelievable. At one stage I opened the front door and kicked the devil out. When I was lost, I had no hope, so no faith. Now I have hope and so also have the faith that He can keep his promise that whosoever calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. The Lord spoke into my ear to repent, and after fourteen years of battling with the devil (in my mind), I repented and He was true to his word: "Saved by the Grace of God." My past is forgiven - Jesus died on the Cross for my sins and everyone else's. I love Him and I know He loves me.

I was brought up as a Jehovah's Witness from my birth in 1970. Strict father, loving mother, but throughout my childhood I felt alone, scared and isolated - at home, at school, where we worshipped. I guess I breathed a sigh of relief when my father left us. I was ten years old then.

At seventeen I was working and old enough to say to my dear old mother, "I've got to experience things for myself." This was the start of a journey into the very pits of hell.

I abandoned my son and his mother when I was 23 and began to really hate myself. A year later, raving hard, taking and selling whiz, E's and crack, I experienced something quite dark, and shortly was diagnosed with a drug-induced psychosis and bipolar disorder. Sectioned twice, I ended up in Reaside Secure Mental Hospital not knowing what was real and what wasn't. My 10-year old sister persuaded my father to bring her to see me (I had previously tried to exorcise demons from her and my mother, and my mother was too traumatised to see me). My sister promptly flung her arms around me, prayed for me and told me she loved me - an unconditional love, an anchor for me.

Let's fly by the next 14 years of not being grateful for this love, not being grateful for the return of my mind a year on from my sister's visit; then years of self-abuse with heroin and crack, years of crime and victims and prison - a self-centred life, with no understanding of real love. My mother has always been faithful, always shown me love, so I experienced love from her, but still I had no real understanding.

In January 2006 I began a 3-year sentence for robbery. I wish you could have seen my I.D. card - I looked 60 years old, cheeks sunk in, a mess. A few months on crystal meth will do that to you. When I dried out, I came across two things. First, a book called "We're all doing time" by Bob Lozoff (Prison Pheonix Trust will send it to any prisoner that asks - or any prison officer, come to that), and secondly, the most amazing encounter, although I didn't know it yet, with a chaplain called Sheila Nall.

Now let me just explain. No matter how much I now trust Sheila and have love for her, this is not what's amazing. What was amazing was God in her; I guess that might seem a little strong to say, but it is in fact the truth, just as God in me is a miracle - it's amazing, it's a blessing. I didn't experience God then, oh no! I had intellect, reasoning, doubt, fear, loathing, desire, past, lacking, comparing myself to others and so much more. I was introduced to meditation just through the book, then by Sheila. We progressed to meditating on Scripture and then a group of us formed. It was good but I was still separated from God. My real seeking, however, had begun, and when it became time, two and a half years on, I learned how to listen in meditation and prayer.

In March of this year (2008) so much has happened. I started to go to Bible class again, and started to use my intellect again -- except a massive thunderbolt hit me after a gathering with Eulette from New Testament Church of God. I started thinking about Adam and Eve's true nature before taking the fruit of knowledge ..... Then I started thinking about the outrageous lie from the devil to Eve .... then it really started flooding, my reflections were yielding something. So were the meditations on the seeds that had been sown in me, but something massive was missing! I'd always despised how people could say, "It happened to me on such a date, on a particular year," but here it is - Eulette was here on the 7^th July. By the evening of the 9^th July I had got into a right struggle with God (earlier on that day a fellow prisoner had said in passing, "Why don't you just stop seeking?") I reasoned this, I intellectualised that, I accepted this but rejected that .... what about this then, God? .... but that can't be right .... the struggle went on all night, and through a lot of the early morning of the 10^th July 2008 .... until I came to realise that I have been doing this all my life. Even when I questioned my indoctrination as a child, I suddenly saw the justification in what I was doing.... I stopped and I prayed - I mean I really prayed, "God you know I've tried, but I can't reach you in my own strength; I have nothing without you; I'm truly sorry for my sin; You can see me as I am; please be with me; please let me lose everything that separates me from you; I can't do this in my own strength; this is it. If it is truly Your will, then it will be done."

And here's the crazy part for anybody who hasn't experienced the Grace of God quite yet: it was done - there and then. I couldn't feel anything but peace from the blessing I had received. I felt love - I understood love - undeserved, unquestioning unconditional love, and right there and then my life changed completely.

I wish I could describe the experience of acceptance, of the peace which surpasses all understanding, but I guess that's the point - it's indescribable. If you really want to know, I guess you'll have to experience it for yourself.

I'm leaving here really soon, mindful of what that will bring. But before I do, I pray, as I do each day, the words in Proverbs 3 v.5-6:

God bless you all, and if you have a Bible it would be yet another blessing should you decide to read Jeremiah 29 v.11-13:

^"11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

All my brother love to Sheila Nall, Don Williams (HMP Blakenhurst), Phillip Nereau, Pam Nereau, Bryan Gracie, Peter (HMP Birmingham), Eulette, Pixley, Berrol, Velda (New Testament Church of God) Errol I (Mount Zion Church, Aston) and all Prison outreach Christians who are doing for Christ what they are doing for us.
Matthew 25: 39,40 ....

I was brought up in a family were I did not receive much love. My mother & father were married as teenagers, and came to live in Brooklyn, New York. My mother, after losing 8 children in childbirth, gave birth to me. My father was an alcoholic and took it out on me. I was a release for his violence, and he would beat me. At the age of ten I promised I would never let my father see me cry again. My heart was so hardened, I hated my father.

One day I found an old gun; I started to do armed robberies. Unknown to me, some of the people we robbed were Mafia. They came to our home - they said the only reason I was still alive was out of respect for my grandfather. My father would not tell me about my grandfather. They told me my grandfather was one of the men who brought the Mafia into the United States. He was a very powerful man and one of the top bosses; also he was very violent. He ended up being killed. I wanted to be involved and promised to be loyal to them. I was very violent and was known for street fighting. It didn't matter whether I shot or stabbed someone. This was the violent life I lived. I had no fear of anyone - my gun was my protection. My Mum prayed that I would become a priest, but I told my Mum I did not need God in my life, and to stop praying for me.

I spent more time with these men and by the age of 19 I got my first contract. I had to make an example of them, not kill them. I did this, I shot them both. I was arrested at the airport by police. I would not betray the Mafia. I was sent to prison, my family disowned me. After some years in prison I was released. The first thing I did was get a gun. My boss wanted to see me, the whole thing had been a set-up; the Mafia wanted to see if I would remain loyal to them. I was angry after losing years of my life. He offered to pick a nightclub for me to run. I picked two - he told me I had earned it. I was now a so-called businessman; I ended up running many nightclubs and restaurants and made many millions. I was on my way to the top of the family. I went to prison again for two years.

I had the best cars, homes, clothes and jewellery. With all of this there was a void in my life, One night I looked at all I had achieved and said, "God where were You when I was a boy. All I wanted was my dad to say I love you." I was angry with God. I was going to kill myself because I believed God was going to kill me. I had the power to take my own life, so I took a 357 Magnum and put it to my head. I said, "God you can't stop what I am about to do." Just then the phone rang. It was a guy who I knew was a Christian -  he invited me to church. I thought, "God you are trying to con me, you want me to go to that church and kill me in front of everybody." I told Him, "I'm not scared of you; to prove it I will go." I went to this church in my best jewellery and clothes. I saw things in this church I never saw before - keyboards, drums - everyone was so happy. I thought ... these people have nothing, I have everything ... yet they were happy and I was so unhappy.

The service was over and the pastor shook my hand. I said, "Move out of my way; I am leaving." He grabbed my arm. I slapped his arm out of the way; he looked me in the eyes - something no man would ever do. I made a decision that night I was going to kill this pastor. He saw through me, the child that would not cry. When I got home I was so angry. That night I called him and said I want to see you now. He said let's meet at the church. I met him and put my hand inside my jacket to reach for my gun. My hand froze, I could not reach it. The more I tried the more difficult it was. He started to talk about Jesus. He said, "You have to be born again. He opened up the Bible and read ....  John 3 v.3: In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again."

I said to him, "Well you tell me how am I supposed to do that?" He said (Romans 10 v.9) - 'That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.'

I told him, "I'm the worst sinner out there." I told him all the things I had done the past 23 years. The next thing I am on my knees and crying, the first time in 30 years. The Pastor was beside me. He said, "Tom, open up your heart to Jesus." I repeated the sinner's prayer after him. All of the feelings left me, God had forgiven me, the void was now filled, Jesus was the answer. I was a new creation. 30 years of tears were released, I surrendered my life to Christ to serve him. I quit the Mafia - which is a death sentence; - a contract was put out on my life. I met my father and forgave him for the way he treated me. I now work for the Lord, and He meets my needs. I am involved in prison ministry and work within the inner city (gangs etc.).

My testimony has been shared all over the world. If God can change a piece of scum, trash like me, He can save anyone. Give your life to Him today; do not put it off any longer.

Picture Drawn by Anthony Hagan,  HMP Maghaberry. Click here for larger version

Regarding Water Baptism - Look up these Verses in Your Bibles:

If you want to accept Christ into your own life then pray this following prayer. God Bless.

"Dear Father, I know that I am a sinner and that I need forgiveness. I believe that Jesus died for my sins. I am willing to turn away from my sin and now I invite Jesus to come into my heart and life as my personal Saviour. I am willing by God's Grace to follow and obey Christ as Lord of my life."

If you have prayed this prayer and have accepted Christ into your heart and life, please cut off this slip and let us know, so we can pray and help you in your new life in Christ.