Set Free By Martin Tuson

On the 29-12-2000, I was lying in my prison cell reading a story about a lady who had wasted her life with alcohol and crime and prison. She was talking about how God had changed her life by setting her free from her addiction to alcohol. At the time she wrote, she was 5 years dry and living a Christian life in her own home.

At this time I did not believe in God and religion and all that rubbish, but at this time I had nothing in my life. I had lost everything and I classed myself as a chronic alcoholic who had spent his life in and out of prison.

I put down the book that I was reading, and from my heart I cried out to God to save me and give me what this lady had! Within seconds a warm feeling began in the top of my head and flowed right through my body to the tip of my toes and I felt so light and free, and all my problems and worries just disappeared. I looked at the cell door and thought, "I could rip that door of its hinges". What a thought - those doors have held prisoners for years and still do.

I realised later that God wanted to convince me about Himself as He knew I would not believe unless I saw Him face to face, and the time for meeting him was at a later date.
And He put that thought into my head to convince me, and that He did. This is the one thought I never forget, and I often think back to the glorious moment of when Jesus came to live in me.

In the year of 2000, I was very anti-authority, scruffy, dirty with respect for no-one and nothing. Today in 2009, yes I am a Christian and a new creation. I treat everyone the way that I would like them to treat me. I am polite and respectful to everyone. I have done a lot of work on myself, and without Jesus in my life I would not have achieved any of this. All the hate and anger has gone. In three months Jesus and myself will walk free; the past is dead and buried and I do not want it back. While on release I am going to publish my life story, which I am writing up at present. I do not want money or fame. I would like one person or more to find Jesus as I did, through reading my story, and that is all I want from this story of mine.

Islam is the main religion, in fact the state religion in my country. Our law is subject to the demands and teachings of Islam. But I am a traitor to Islam. I was born into a Muslim family and therefore knew nothing about Jesus Christ. I had many nominal Christian friends, and I asked one of them for a Bible. When I read it, I was surprised to find that God loves me and made a way to forgive my sins. I learned that because Jesus Christ died on the cross, I could be saved and would not have to die for my sins. In studying Islam I had not found the way to know God. In studying the Bible I found that only Jesus could satisfy my hunger for Him. I decided to believe in Jesus Christ and follow Him. When I did that, my life changed in a very good way. I had peace for the first time. I was baptized and became a member of a church. Then I began to speak about my new-found life in Jesus Christ in many churches and among my friends.

One day in December 1981 I talked with some people in a taxi about Jesus Christ. They led me to believe they were open to hear about the Lord. When I left the taxi, they asked for the address of my church and said they would like to attend. I gave them the address, not knowing I had already been reported because of my Christian faith. That evening they came to the church, bringing the secret police with them. I was arrested without a warrant or any legal grounds. When I arrived at the jail, one of the guards asked why I was there. When I told him it was because I was a Christian, he called the barber to shave my head. They kept me 5 days in solitary confinement, and I was not allowed to call my family or friends to tell them where I was. The guards beat me and said I could go free if I would renounce my faith in Christ. When I refused, the officials transferred me to the prison for the most dangerous criminals in the country. I was never given a trial by a court of law.

I was put in a small room in solitary confinement for the next 8 months. Although it is a law that all prisoners should have two blankets, when I asked for covers they said, "No. You are a Christian. You will not get any covers." I slept on the rough cement floor - no bed, no blankets and this continued through the winter without even the basic necessities other prisoners were given. Despite the extreme cold, I had an open window in my room and no heating. I received one meal a day made of lentils. The head of the prison told me not to speak with anyone, as he was afraid others would believe in Jesus Christ. When the guard saw me speak with anyone, he would slap me hard and push me. Once when I was speaking with another prisoner who asked for a Bible, the head of the prison beat me with a whip. Many soldiers came to my door and said, "You are a very bad man. You are an infidel." The door to my room was closed all day except for a five-minute break to go to the rest room. The rest of the time I stayed alone in my room. Other prisoners were allowed to leave their rooms freely from 9 in the morning to 4 in the afternoon. For a month and a half my family did not know where I was. When they asked for information, the police said they did not know. I made the acquaintance of a prisoner who was permitted to send letters out of the prison. He sent messages to my family and friends, telling them where I was. They came to the prison but were told I was not there. My brother, an officer in the army, asked the secret police to tell him where I was so he could visit me and try to get me to renounce my faith in Jesus Christ. After his visit they decided to let three members of my family come, but they forbade visits of any friends, thinking they would be Christians and would try to encourage me.

I was not allowed to have any money, although all the necessities such as hot water in the winter and extra food were acquired with bribes given to the guards. My friends wanted to give me food, money, and clothes, but the authorities refused. For 2 months I had only the clothes I had been wearing when arrested. Finally, my family was able to give me clothes and some food, and another prisoner who had extra privileges quietly gave me two covers. But still I had no bed. The secret police warned my family not to help me very much. They wanted to make things hard for me so I would give up my faith in Jesus Christ. Members of my family were afraid they would be killed.

Occasionally the secret police would send a man to ask: Will you renounce your faith in Jesus Christ and be a good Muslim again? They would try to tempt me with the offer of money and a car, my freedom, and a job with the secret police. I said no. When the authorities realized I would not give up my faith in Jesus Christ, they decided, with no explanation, to let me out of prison on bail. The secret police told me not to go to any church, and said if they saw me in church they would arrest me again and kill me.

Muslim law requires that anyone who converts from Islam to another religion should be killed. If another Muslim were to kill me for any reason, the government would excuse him, and he would not be arrested or even punished. I am considered a traitor to Islam, deserving to be killed. MY CHOICE IS TO SERVE JESUS CHRIST.

Searching for God wasn't easy - was it meant to be? It wasn't as if I could see Him, or touch Him physically. Yes, there were words, books, the sun, the moon, nature and flowers, not forgetting new-born babies, opinions and directions from every quarter, but I knew I had to do it on my own.

God had to be somewhere, for He got the blame for so much. I thought I heard Him whisper to me now and again, in the garden, by the sea, at the graveside.

Before I could find Him I had to examine the clues, and, to cut a long story short, the clues led me to Jesus, and Jesus led me to God.

Like so many people who have found themselves in trouble with the law, I learned belittling and rejection at a very early age. This is not an excuse; this was my life. I grew up as an unwanted child in an adopted home. I was beaten for everything I said or did, whether I deserved it or not. I couldn't distinguish right from wrong. And repeatedly I was told that I would never amount to anything. They said all my choices were wrong, I was wrong, my life was wrong. I remember the overpowering feeling of resentment that grew within me, and emerged into open hostility and deep-seated hatred. I hated everyone and everything. As I moved into and through my teenage years the rage in my head made me an out-of-control wounded animal. Oh no, not me! Whoa! There really is no other way to say this. Then when alcohol had come into my life, it came not to visit, but to permanently stay. It became my crutch, my friend, my front, my medication, and my god. By the time I was in my mid twenties, I was drinking almost a quart of Jack Daniels a day. All other relationships in my life became a scorn, and I trivialized them. All too frequently, I would groggily wake up in the morning on my couch at home, with a bruising hangover, and not be able to remember how or when I got there. When I could rouse enough to ask, "How did I get here?" The reply would be something like, "You must'a drove yourself." Or, "I dunno, nobody came with you." In a panic, I would hurry to the door, dreading to even look out through the glass for my car. Every time, I expected to see damage to the car, but instead, there it would be parked, square and neat without a scratch. How can a person in a "blackout" navigate a car through many twists and turns, and not ever hit something? Was I out of control? It was to get even worse real soon.

In 1977, I got into one of my many fights, only this time a man lost his life! When the police came and arrested me, and charged me with open murder, I absolutely couldn't believe it. I was locked up! I denied it, I kicked, and I screamed, but they wouldn't believe me. Boy, did I ever need a drink! Now I was facing a death sentence. Now I really needed a drink - no the whole bottle, please! The days turned into months, and my denials got louder. But the legal process kept on churning against me. What was I to do? Even my friend Jack Daniels had abandoned me - more abandonment, more rejection.

It dawned on me that I was in the most serious trouble of my whole troubled life, and that there was no way out. I was going to death row. They were going to execute me. I looked to the only hope left (Jesus). My prayer was simple; it went like this, "Lord, if it's my time to go, then I'll shut up and go .... but, if You have something for me to do, then You'll have to provide a way out." Three days into a jury trial, the way out came. The prosecution told my lawyer that they would accept a plea bargain. At first my conniving mind said no. And then, as I toyed with the offer, the evil one that had been such a big influence in my life, kept trying to convince me to play with them, and see what else I could get out of the deal. It was then a breakthrough came, and I was reminded this was the answer to my prayers, and you do not play with God! I accepted what was offered, and began a life-long relationship with the One who would sustain me through the coming dark hours, and meet my every need.

During my 18-year stay in prison, I saw the need for a ministry that would really work - in prison, and out (when the inmate is released). And this was my prayer, to be led to a ministry that is based on the Word of God, and is conducted as God instructs. So when I was released in 1995, my wife introduced me to the Alcoholics for Christ ministry. I liked what I saw and heard. I felt the approval of God, that this is where He wanted me. This was fulfilment of the prayer I uttered when I first came to Christ, when I said, "If You have something for me to do ...", because He gave me a compassion to help other people to keep them from going back to prison, or to keep them from going there in the first place.

I had seen so many people be released from prison, and break the law again, and come right back in. I did not want this to happen to me. I know that being at large in a free world is an individual choice, and also that I had made bad choices in my life. And so, choices do not come easy to me, because the thoughts come to me, "I'm going to get yelled at," or "something hurtful will be said to me," that will make me feel like I am nothing, and that I can do nothing right.

Confusion is a state of indecision, based on our prior learning experiences. The prison experience is one of being told what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and what to think about doing it. Couple this with my growing-up influences and experiences, and here is one mixed-up person, with a set of complex emotions that only God can understand. And that is one reason why we turn to God, and stay turned to Him, because the issues of temptation, disobedience, and rebellion come upon us like a storm. And only by focussing on God, and not the storm, will we be able to stay free and untangled (from the snares of Satan).

When I was released from prison into a halfway house, I had $50.00 in my pocket. Six months later I bought my first vehicle. (on credit - unbelievable!). All of this while still in a halfway house. Only God could have made this happen. Praise His Holy Name! Soon afterwards, I moved to Michigan and I became affiliated with a local home church. After attending Alcoholics for Christ (AFC) meetings and finding out what they were about, I knew that this was the vehicle I had talked to the Lord about. And when I found out that AFC was expanding their jail ministry into prisons, I knew in my heart and being, that this was the fulfilment of my first covenant with God. Is there anything too difficult for God? You try Him and see for yourself! God NEVER fails.

I was born in Belfast in 1974, but because of the troubles my family moved to Bangor when I was around nine years old. I grew up in a nice middle class family. I was sent to Sunday School at Ballyholme Church of Ireland and I was confirmed there. Shortly after, at around the age of eleven, I remember reading the Bible in my bedroom and most definitely knowing for a fact it was true, and being on my knees and crying with tears streaming down my face. I don't know why, when I accepted the truth a few years later, I had entered into a rebellious phase.

I suddenly (I suppose like most teenagers) began to toy around with the occult, thinking it harmless. Before long I was rebelling in all areas of my life - I wanted to live in the world and taste all it offered.

Up until this point I had been a keen piano player, good athlete and got excellent grades at school. In my last two years at school I stopped the music and the sports, and began to associate with the 'rebellious girls' at school - I was getting sucked into the world of drinking, drugs, boys and parties. From the age of 18 all through my twenties drugs came to become my life, starting off with smoking and drinking, on to speed, ecstasy, acid, mushrooms - everything really except heroin. I thank the Lord he spared me from that one. A lot of 'friends' around me were dying from heroin overdoses; it had become a real underground problem in this small sleepy seaside 'innocent' town. This 'innocent Victorian seaside town' had a very nasty ugly underbelly to it, I was discovering. I left N Ireland to study in Leeds University, I lived in the UK till I was 25, when I went abroad for my big six-month travel adventure. It was more travelling and drugs, getting further and further away from God. He however was faithful to not ever let me go, because now when I look back I realise all the visions I had of Jesus and scriptures were really Him trying to reach me, even in my sin drenched, drug fuelled mind and spirit. I thought I was having a 'bad trip' but I know now those scriptures and images were God talking to me, telling me I was in Satan's domain, but that there was a way out if I wanted it.

It wasn't until I was 29 that I was offered work abroad in Istanbul in fashion. As an expat Satan really got a grip on my life. In that seductive city I had a two-year relationship with a Turkish guy who totally broke my heart. He liked to take a lot of drugs, and when I discovered I was pregnant he ordered me to get an abortion. I didn't want to, but to please him (because I had made him my idol) I did. I was devastated afterwards. I didn't realise the impact that it would have on me spiritually or emotionally. All he was concerned about was that I was OK physically. To cut a long story short, I pretended I was ok, to myself and everyone else, but inside I was going into self-destruct mode. I was falling apart. I lost my job, lots of money, and I lost him, I began to be completely addicted to drink and drugs, and I was involved in the occult again. I was literally walking with Satan. I couldn't sleep; I was terrified; I had no peace; I was demented. I tried to run off to Thailand to escape my own mind - again more drugs, more visions of God speaking to me even more strongly this time.

After this trip I realised I had to leave this city which had a strange dark hold over me, so I took a great new job in London. When I got there I couldn't cope with the job or with London, so after seven months I decided to pack it all in and go to New York to take three months off to do an electronic music production course, as music was still bubbling away deep down and my first passion. So I thought I would take a long Christmas at home with family. Whilst home I started a brief relationship with a guy I had known (through a friend) for about 6 years . Around this time my father invited me to Bangor Elim Church. I didn't want to go as I thought the Christians had brainwashed him. But once there I felt the amazing pull and power of the Holy Spirit. Every time I went I cried. I wanted it, I wanted to put my hand up, One night when sharing a joint and listening to some music, I tried to tell my boyfriend that I thought, "I want to become a Christian" . He laughed, didn't understand, and told me not to be so stupid.

I finally left for New York in Feb. 2008 and remember saying a short prayer on the way, along the lines of, "OK Jesus if you are real, I really think I need you" then thought no more of it really - until two weeks later, when I found out I was pregnant. I was alone in New York, single, pregnant to a guy I had just dumped because I had realised I couldn't stand him, and I just thought, "WHAT HAVE I DONE ... How could I have fallen so far?" I was terrified, I didn't want a child, I didn't want another abortion, and I just didn't want it. It humbled me - I needed Jesus so much. I got down on my knees and I cried out to Him, and I cried and cried and said I was so sorry for the mess I had been making of my life and all the sinful things I'd done. I'd realised the deep error of how I had been living. I didn't have a Bible but I had my laptop. Daily I searched the internet for scriptures that comforted and strengthened me. I went on a mission to find the Elim church in Brooklyn, I went there six weeks pregnant, and those amazing saints prayed for me, to be set free from all the evil that had been in my life. They prayed for me to stand up and be a holy woman of God. I cried and cried there that day, but I felt something happen inside, I felt free. I felt light; I felt peace; I felt the presence of heaven, of a throne and of angels. I heard saints speak in tongues for the first time. It was strange yet beautiful. I returned to my small tiny studio flat that night and felt so different, so free. I was still confused about the pregnancy. There was a battle for that child. Satan wanted it dead. I was tortured with conflicting thoughts - keep it, kill it, keep it, kill it. In the end I went into a church that was beside my music school one day. I don't know why, but there was something about the picture on the front of the church that drew me in. It seemed like a weird Catholic church but it was drawing me in. When in there I prayed, "God what is it, what do You want me to do, what is it?" When I got home I decided to look on the internet for the picture. What is this strange church anyway? I discovered that picture was of Our Lady of Guadeloupe, and Google took me straight to the home page of Pro-life Group of America . I read how this woman was ordained by the Pope to be the Patron Saint of UNBORN CHILDREN. When I read that I knew I simply could not consider abortion - how wrong it was. I felt sick for the one I had already had, and I knew it would be easier to have a baby alone than to endure another abortion. I have repented of it and I know Jesus has covered my sin with His blood. It took a long time to accept that, but it is the Word of God, so I must accept it. When I got home and discovered at five months that I was having a girl, I was very shocked. I was convinced it was a boy. I didn't have a name picked and was very upset actually about it. I offered a prayer up to God: "God I didn't even want to be pregnant, but you have blessed me with a child when I don't deserve it at all, I offer her up to you. Please tell me what to call her." The NEXT DAY a friend of the family visited and I asked her if she knew any good names, and she suggested 'Janna'. I was shocked to read that it's a Hebrew name and means "The Lord is Gracious" ... and HE IS!! When I was living a rebellious life of SIN, He saved me and blessed me with a child. Amazing Grace He poured out onto me. I now have a beautiful five month old daughter who is the best thing I have ever done with my life. I have learnt to trust in God alone and attend my local Elim Church. I was baptised last November. I'm learning to depend and love the Lord more every day. I can look back now and know He had a plan for me - none of the last year was coincidence, He has a plan for me now, He has a plan for Janna and He has a plan for you. Rest in the Lord, depend on Him alone. Hallelujah, praise our Mighty Lord.

What do you do when your memory drags the 'there and then' into the 'here and now', immersing you in the same old pain? The Bible answers, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"

Your past can infect your present and influence your future unless you decide to let it go. For the next few days, let's think about it.

First, let go of what God has forgiven! God's only response to confessed sin is to forgive and forget it. If it comes up again, you, not He, brought it up. "If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us ... and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1 v.9).Two things make letting go difficult:1)

Your feelings. '"I just don't feel forgiven!" you say. You're forgiven by God's grace obtained through Christ's sacrifice, regardless of emotions. Don't wait to feel it before you accept it; accept it and you'll start to feel it! 2)

A wrong concept of God. You say, "My dad says he forgives me, but each time I fail, all my old offences are thrown in my face again." Your heavenly Father doesn't operate that way. "I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions, for My own sake, and remembers your sins no more' (Isaiah 43 v.25). God doesn't bring them up, because He doesn't remember them. All your sins were judged and paid for at Calvary. Once confessed, you'll never again be charged with them, so rejoice and let them go. The Court of Heaven has ruled you "not guilty."

Note from the Editor If you want to accept Christ into your own life then pray this following prayer. God Bless.

"Dear Father, I know that I am a sinner and that I need forgiveness. I believe that Jesus died for my sins. I am willing to turn away from my sin and now I invite Jesus to come into my heart and life as my personal Saviour. I am willing by God's Grace to follow and obey Christ as Lord of my life."