Set Free Issue No.34  by Martin Tuson

I was born on Belfast Shankill Road. I was proud of where I was born and brought up. Many young people join paramilitaries and unfortunately I followed in my father's footsteps. One day at the age of 16 years old I was part of a gang that drank and took drugs and did other things God advises not to do. Our clique, as we were known, grew stronger and so did our crimes, but one strange day I got this weird feeling over me, and it was God. He finally touched me and I knew He would forgive my sins. I asked a friend whom I knew from school to try and ask the Lord into my heart, and he picked me up in his car and the journey began. We sat down in a small hall on The West Circular Road, and he asked me to repeat everything he said. Once I did as I was asked I got this warm feeling all over my body. It was the Lord Jesus Christ. He had forgiven my sins. Life began to go well for me. What else did I need? Nothing. I had the Lord on my side now. Believe me, this was a miracle on its own. The Lord and I did not go together - that was the opinion of my friends at the time. I proved them all wrong for six short months.

Then bang - the Shankill Road gets ripped apart by so-called Republicans. On 23rd October 1993 the IRA caused total devastation on Belfast Shankill Road. Nine innocent people lost their lives. A friend of mine was killed alongside his seven-year daughter and wife. So I thought to myself good and hard about what I should do next. I had two options: (1) go back and ask the Lord to forgive these cowards who planted this bomb, or (2) join up and seek revenge. Unfortunately I backslid and joined up. I wanted people to pay for the loss of these lives! Our unit did terrible deeds but we believed we had a cause, and we would fight and die for it if needs be. To this day I have never asked the Lord back into my life again. Here I am, eleven years later lying in a small prison cell in Ulster, doing life for a crime I did not commit. What a change for me! I have lost everything, but wait until you hear this.

This is a miracle from the Lord. He is still looking over me to this day and I thank Him for that. As I am doing life I have plenty of time on my hands. Well, anyway, I got this injury from bulk training in the gym. I was training flat out, and I got a trapped nerve in my deltoid. A Christian friend of mine would come in regularly and have the odd chat with me. This was Martin Tuson, a great fellow in my eyes. I asked Martin if he would pray to the Lord and ask the Lord to heal my injury. Now this injury was bad beyond belief. I could not stand up straight for at least two weeks. Martin prayed to the Lord, and during and after the prayer I got this warm feeling all over my body but mostly at my deltoid. I knew straight away this was the Lord and He was present in my prison cell. Now the prayer had just finished and, amazingly to me, I could move my arm any way I liked. Then I bounced down onto my hands and did a couple of press-ups. Now just the day before I tried the exact same thing. I got down on my hands to do press-ups and fell straight onto my face. Now I am a backslider and I do believe in God. I know for certain He will forgive you no matter what kind of person you are or were. The Big Man upstairs works in mysterious ways, but if you are going to commit yourself to Him, go for it 100 percent. Don't do what I did. The Lord will forgive you no matter what.

Hello. My name is Joe Dziwa, an inmate serving seven years for robbery. I have been incarcerated for four years now and I am due for release in 2008. During my imprisonment I have been battling with pulmonary tuberculosis. I am drug resistant and have been on about three treatment courses but all to no avail. The disease used to disappear for a while and then reappear within a few months. This resulted in my body becoming weak and thin. What happened last month was astonishing. A group of believers visited our prison to minister and pray for the sick. When I heard about them I went there and they prayed for me using a healing prayer which they said came directly from God. I could not believe them, but because I was in pain I knelt down and they laid hands on my head and asked me to believe God for my healing. When they had finished I felt my body become lighter and was surprised to discover that I had even gained strength. Now, two weeks later, I feel fine. My coughing has stopped and I have started gaining weight, much to the surprise of everybody. I have since repented and am now a born again Christian, because Jesus has shown His mercy even to me a sinner. He can do the same for you, if you only believe.

My name is David Harris. I am aged 34 and I come from Liverpool.

When I was down at my lowest ebb of life and was in the pits messed up on drink and weed, my heart was full of anger and hurt - I was so bitter in life. I was the black sheep of the family, shown no love, just hurt. I was in care from the age of 8 to 16.

I got into a life of crime leading to a dead end. My family didn't want to know me. I was on my own in a big bad world. Boys my age needed love and care, but all I got was hurt and pain. I got deeper into crime and took a lot of weed - what a way to go for a boy my age - it wasn't good. By the age of 18 years I was in jail serving a 3 year sentence. All I picked up in life was bad things, got into a gang's life, a thug's life. I did most of my 3 years; then at the age of 20 went to H.M.P. Manchester - a young person in a man's jail, even more lost without love and full of hurt.

When I got into jail I gave the Muslim religion a go. This messed my head up even more - a mixed race Muslim thug in jail. When I got out of prison I went back to my old ways, still no love in my life, no one to care for me, the black sheep of the family. I had lots of women, but relationships never lasted too long, I was always doing my own thing. I got into drugs: E's, LSD etc. - the rave thing was going on. I was still lost with no hope in life, still full of hurt.

Instead of focussing on society and bad points like crime, young people need to be taught about loving relationships. Kids need their mums and dads so they can develop into good caring people. I never had that. I was so disrespectful of people and life. I had demons, I was back in jail, I messed up with my ex who hates me. I can't blame her for the way I went on, messed up with drink and drugs.

On remand I gave my life to God, I prayed for Him to forgive me and heal me with love. For the first time in my life I knew what love and peace was. God has healed me and has done wonders for me. On 13^th May 2009 I got baptised in water in jail. Man, what a new life I now have - I take one day at a time with the Lord, I have a personal relationship with God, I am free of everything. Number one is God's people, and me, I have moved on with Jesus Christ, as a Christian taking the right road as Christ leads the way. This is the only way in life - don't waste time, choose Jesus.

When I was in my late twenties I started going to church again and was taking my children too. I was even telling my oldest how wonderful God was. Here I am doing the same thing as my parents, so I asked her if she wanted to come instead of making her come. At times she did it on her own, and of course there were times she didn't. I still pray that God will protect her and He always does. It is funny God tells us to always pray over our enemies. Sometimes that is hard to do. But from my personal experiences it really does work. I have seen some amazing things happen to them and even when I was away from them. It took me a long time to pray over my enemies. I finally did it and felt better when I was around them. Being away from them I'm not having any issues when I think of them. It is funny when things happen in our life that the first person we call is God. God is always there, but we don't acknowledge Him, except when things happen to us because a loss or circumstances that happen in our lives; I was very guilty of that. I didn't think I was worthy of Him. Boy was I ever wrong; God loves us, and no matter what we have done He has forgiven us. The main thing you have to do is forgive yourself - which I still struggle to do to this day.

In 2004 my life got turned upside down and changed the way my mind thinks. Because I was sentenced to prison, my life changed from being in protective custody to being sent to a compound with a bunch of other women in the same dorm with rules to obey. I have lost and gained things at the same time and was even thankful. I lost my family, friends, and got real close to God. I could have turned the situation into a bad one by turning away from everyone. I went to prison and was pregnant too. You talk about struggles! It was harder being locked up than being outside - especially the cravings and the mood swings, but I don't have to go on about that - people in prison know what I am talking about. It is a wake-up call, and your time is how you make it. You can turn it into a positive thing or be negative, but it is up to you, no-one else. You also learn a lot about yourself - it is really hard sometimes. It is the process of your healing, especially the anger you have towards the people who left you behind. Your friends that you have known for a long time just hightail it and leave you out in the cold all alone. But you aren't alone, because God is right there with the anger and pain that you are feeling. I know it is confusing sometimes, how God can love you and your enemies at the same time but He does. He loves everyone no matter what they have done and He is praying that one day they realise and repent of what they have done also.

Personally, I struggle with forgiving myself; if you don't forgive yourself you will not completely get peace within yourself. Yes, it the hardest thing in my life to do with God. But remember if you have repented to God He has already forgiven you - now you have to do it yourself. Saying it is easier than actually doing it; DO IT NOW - nothing is holding you back now, and no excuses!

^{Matthew 6 v.14:} For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵ But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

^{Colossians 3 v.13:} Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

I was raised in a lower class environment as a child and given the standard education in Christianity. Even though I understood on an intellectual level, I never truly understood or felt in my heart a true relationship with God. At a very early age I was introduced to the gangster mentality, and so began my personal little crime spree. It lasted almost 20 years.

During those years I was involved with everything from prostitution to extortion, from armed bank robbery to international smuggling. The last two years of my spree were spent on street corners trying to sell the only thing I had left. But most times using a gun because what I had left wasn't worth paying for. I suffered from severe drug addiction, but most of all complete spiritual and moral bankruptcy. I had hit rock bottom. I really don't want to get into the things I saw or did or what was going on out there. Trust me when I tell you it was beyond the most horrid of nightmares. What I do want to tell you about is the night God touched me and I awoke from the horror of what was my life.

I had gone to the dope house to collect money and drugs. When I walked into the back room, I saw a very young girl being used by three men. In payment they were throwing little pieces of crack cocaine onto the floor. I stood watching as she crawled around naked on the floor, shaking and crying, searching for the drugs. I was sickened, disgusted, and seething with internal rage. I felt the gun in my hand without even realizing I had taken it from my jeans. To this day I believe the only thing that saved me from committing murder that night was God, and that I couldn't decide who should die, her, them or me.

I began to walk. I didn't know where I was going. I didn't care. I was lost. I remember sitting down on the curb and thinking, "Some work of art you are, a gun in your jeans, a pocket full of dope, cash in your sock, and so sick and miserable that death would be a blessing. Maybe it was me who should die." It was at that moment I surrendered and my darkness became light, so bright, so complete. The light of God filled me with warmth, love and peace, and I heard a voice that has no words but speaks directly to your heart. It called to me over and over again, "Have you had enough? Are your ready?"

I sat for a long time, though it seemed only a moment. I've come to realize God is timeless, and when you're in His company He eases the burden of time, a definite bonus in prison. So finally I picked myself up from the curb, totally confused because I knew beyond a doubt what kind of person I was and God doesn't visit "BAD" people, does He?

About this time a friend pulled his car up next to me and called my name. I got in the car and he asked did I want to go home. I told him that where I lived was never a home. He took me to his house. No sooner was I through the door than I was smoking dope. But the funny thing is I couldn't get high; no escape! I really didn't understand until my friend walked into the room. He looked at me, shook his head and said, "Oh Julie, haven't you had enough? Aren't you ready? God's waiting you know, and there's no moment so dark that he can't make light."

At first I thought, "This guy must have seen what happened on that curb." But he hadn't. In that moment I knew with all clarity that this friend, who I had never known was a Christian, did not happen along by accident and that what he said was the repeating of a divine message sent just for me alone. I knew that no matter who or what I was, God loves me. I knew He was reaching for me because my pain and shame were so great I couldn't reach for Him. I took hold of the Lord's hand and now where He heads I follow.

In the beginning it was a very hard path. I had over a dozen felony warrants for my arrest, but in His love I need have no fear. Our first walk was to BCI, Florida State's Maximum Security Prison. Often I've cried, but as time goes by, the way gets easier and the scenery more and more beautiful as I learn to see the world through the eyes of Jesus. I still reside in BCI and I'm all right with that because I'm never alone and I'm still walking with the Lord.

In a 1950s novel, there is a scene in which four village men confess their sins to one another. One of the men, Michelis, cries out, "How can God let us live on the earth? Why doesn't He kill us to purify creation?" "Because, Michelis," one of the men answered, "God is a potter; He works in mud." This is literally what the Lord did in Genesis. The sovereign Creator formed and shaped humanity by unique design. This process involved fashioning a man from the dust of the ground. The word formed in Genesis 2:7 describes the work of an artist. Like a potter, moulding and fashioning mud into a pot or some other earthen vessel, so the Lord God formed humanity from clay. God's work with dust and mud continued by breathing into man the breath of life, changing his form into a living soul. This made man a spiritual being, with a capacity to serve and fellowship with the Lord. After Adam and Eve sinned, God continued working in and with mud, sending His Son Jesus to die for humanity and then regenerating those who receive Him so that we can enjoy fellowship with Him. In gratitude, let's use our hands to do good works for His glory.

If you want to accept Christ into your own life then pray this following prayer. God Bless.

"Dear Father, I know that I am a sinner and that I need forgiveness. I believe that Jesus died for my sins. I am willing to turn away from my sin and now I invite Jesus to come into my heart and life as my personal Saviour. I am willing by God's Grace to follow and obey Christ as Lord of my life.

If you have prayed this prayer and have accepted Christ into your heart and life, please let us know, so we can pray and help you in your new life in Christ.

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3-Mar-10